on tuesday june18 i woke up, got ready for the day and went to work. around 12pm i ate some leftover pizza for lunch then headed out the door on my lunch break to my doctor's appointment at 12:30. i saw my obgyn for my 38 week check up first. she checked me and much to my shagrin i was not dilated at all. she couldn't actually even reach my cervix so she said i wasn't close to having the baby. she said everything looked good, but sent me over to have a non stress test done.
i headed across the hall, got hooked up on the non stress test machine and sat there for about 45 minutes until the nurse looked at the results, and didn't say much more than that she wanted to show the results to the doctor. she came back about 5 minutes later and said that the doctor didn't like the way the baby's heart rate looked during one of the minor contractions i had. she wanted to send me over to labor and delivery to have more extensive testing done.
the nurse walked me over to labor and delivery while explaining what would happen there. she told me to tell my work that i would not be returning for the day. i thought she was crazy. it was only about 2:00 pm and work didn't end until 5pm. i honestly thought they would run a few more tests and send me on my merry way but just to be cautious i let my supervisor know what was going on.
as soon as i was checked into labor and delivery they took me to my "labor" room. they hooked me up to some machines and started me on a very small amount of petocin to induce stronger contractions so they could see how his heart rate was doing. the nurse kept coming in telling me that i had just had a contraction and asked how i felt. i honestly never even knew i was having contractions. after about an hour to an hour and a half of this the doctor came in to tell me the news. the baby's heart rate was dropping during contractions and they didn't feel it was safe for me to go home in case i did go into active labor therefore stressing the baby. they told me they thought it was best to do a c section that very night, in fact in only 3 and a half hours! these words terrified me.
i was NOT expecting this at all. i was still 10 days away from my due date. we had JUST moved over the weekend and the house was a mess. there were boxes everywhere. i didn't have the car seat with me. we didn't even have a crib yet. and worst of all, i was by myself. my husband was 45 minutes away at work. my mom was at work. i have never felt more alone and more scared not because i didn't want to have the baby and i wasn't excited, but because everything was moving SO fast and i was terrified of having a c section.
i immediately called my husband. when he answered the phone i was crying so hard i couldn't even talk. naturally he thought something was wrong with me or the baby, but no, i was just so upset that i had to have a c section and that i was all by myself. he assured me that it was going to be ok and reminded me how exciting it was that we would get to meet our cute little boy in only a few hours.
my parents were the first people to arrive to be by my side and help me get through this until patrick could make it there from work. patrick was then able to get there around 6:30 with only an hour and a half before i was going in for the c section. never before have i been more happy to see him. i needed him more than words could say at that moment. his parents were then able to show up and visit for a little while before i went in to get prepped for the surgery.
the time was now about 7:45 when they came in and gave me what i needed to change into for the surgery as well as what patrick needed. they then walked me to the surgery room just before 8pm to get me prepped. it was like something out of a movie. the cold temperature hit me like a ton of bricks when i walked in. someone was laying out all the instruments that would be used. there were probably 50 different pieces laying on the table. they had me sit on the surgery table as the anesthesiologist prepared to give me the spinal tap. the cold and the fear of both the spinal tap and the surgery immediately started making me shiver almost uncontrollably. i started getting really light headed and queasy from the needle in my back. it felt like the anesthesiologist had it in my back forever. it got so bad that they had to lay me on my side for him to finish.
he finally finished and patrick was then able to come in the room. by then my whole body from my shoulders down was numb. the anesthesia made me really sick, so for the first few minutes of the surgery i was throwing up in a little cup that my poor, dear, sweet husband had to hold for me. not my finest moment.
the c section experience was very strange. the combination of not being able to move my body with the weird tugging feeling going on around my belly wasn't even the worst part. the hardest part for me was not being able to hold and cuddle my son after he was born. they immediately pulled him out and took him over to the table across the room to clean him up and make sure that everything was okay with him. during those moments i neither felt nor heard anything other than my sweet son crying and my husband laughing and smiling at the beautiful life we had created. i longed to see my son up close, hold him and cuddle him. patrick just kept turning around and telling me how perfect he was and how beautiful he was.
FINALLY, they finished cleaning him up and brought him to me. unfortunately, i didn't get to hold him because my body was still numb and not to mention they were still putting me together down there. as an alternative they laid my beautiful baby boy across my chest and by my face. i'll never forget kissing him and staring at his beautiful face. i had never seen a more perfect baby.
after what seemed like only a few short seconds they again took my son away from me while they finished putting me back together. they gave our little boy to patrick and moved them into a room right off of the operating room to have some skin to skin time. once i was all sewn up and ready to go they rolled me into that same room and i FINALLY got to spend some quality time with my little boy. they laid him on me skin to skin and i could finally hold him in my arms as the numbing was beginning to wear off. our perfect little family got to spend about an hour together alone in our own little room while our perfect baby boy nursed for the first time and got to know his mom and dad.
we were then ready to be taken into the recovery room where i would remain for the rest of my stay at the hospital. the medication made me so drowsy that i can hardly remember anything from that point on. i was so tired and out of it that i only really remember my mom coming in and then patrick's sister with her boyfriend and their little brother visiting as well.
giving birth is such a spiritual and amazing experience. finally meeting your little baby after feeling him move around in your little tummy for 9 months is one of the best feelings in the world. i love my little baby boy so much.
